DEAR ABBY: Can you settle a dispute for me? When you go up to a house with two doors -- a regular door and a screen door -- and there is no doorbell, is it proper to open the first door and knock on the second door or is it considered rude? -- KNOCK, KNOCK
DEAR CANOE, People don't like religious pamphlets handed to them. Just stuff them in the garbage and go for a nice walk. *sigh* Open the screen door, knock, and allow the screen door to close while you take a step back. (source)
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DEAR JERKASS: My wife and I have been married for 20 years. Before our two children started high school two years ago, we had a great marriage. Unfortunately, my wife has put our children's high school education above everything else. She's a classic "helicopter mom" who says that once the kids leave for college, our relationship will become great again.
As the months go by, I find myself being more of a father and a tutor than a husband and "intimate friend" to my wife. We have little in common with each other, little intimacy, and everything revolves around our children -- not us. I have talked to her about this, and we have seen a counselor and a priest who told my wife that what she's doing is wrong. But things are getting worse, not better. Any suggestions on how to get the message across before we get totally separated or even divorced? Or am I the one who needs to see things differently? -- NO HELICOPTER DAD DEAR NORMAL, While I would say that communication is the key to success, it takes both sides to work. High-school is three years and you're already through two, so you're almost done. The question is does this carry through during the summer months as well? Because if so, that bitch is crazy and she'll end up with successful kids who hate her. What I think is going on is that she is waiting for the kids to be on the road to successful lives so she can divorce you. That's me, though. She might be trying to make sure the kids never try to move back home so you actually have time together. Give it another shot. But get some legal items set aside so you don't get screwed over if there's a "surprise" serving of divorce papers. (source) DEAR JERKASS: My girlfriends are always trying to get me drunk. I don't need alcohol to have a good time, and in fact, I rarely drink. They say I'm "no fun," which is probably true. But that's just who I am.
Although they never drink and drive, they drink a lot and are embarrassing when they sing loud, stumble on the dance floor and slur their words. I'm afraid if I get drunk I may say something hurtful to them, and they will no longer be my friends. My boyfriend says they're not true friends if they want me to drink to excess. My college days are behind me. I am mature enough not to succumb to this peer pressure. Is my boyfriend right? Do I need new friends? -- TEETOTALER IN PENNSYLVANIA DEAR CHURCH LADY, Yes. You need new wet blanket friends. While you shouldn't need alcohol to have fun, or need to drink every weekend, avoiding it completely and judging others for drinking is just the sort of behavior that people can't stand. There's a reason. Since you rarely drink, anything more than what you drink is probably "too much" for other people. There's nothing wrong with singing loud or being on the dance floor. Your friends need someone who doesn't think they're better than them. Not succumbing to peer pressure is one thing. Hanging around with people you don't approve of and complaining behind their back is another. (source) |
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun. Archives
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