South Park. Season Eight. Twelfth Episode.
"People, don't applaud me. I'm a dirty whore. Being spoiled and stupid and whorish is supposed to be a bad thing, remember? Parents, if you don't teach your children that people like Paris Hilton are supposed to be despised, where are they gonna learn it? You have to be the the ones to make sure your daughters aren't looking up to the wrong people." -Mr. Slave, Spoiled Whore Playset

Message sent WITHOUT auditioning 700 little girls to twerk in a movie OR perform scenes of a sexual nature to be viewed by the masses. Brilliant!  But maybe that's just me.
(For those of you out of the loop, the context is the movie "Cuties".  And apparently being against the film makes you a right wing fascist, but I digress).

What is wrong about having a film where eleven year old girls watch scenes of sexual behaviors and then imitate them, and then go on to learn that this "empowering*" act is harmful to them?
Oh, you know, the fact that these children then perform the actions they've just watched while a camera zooms in on their body parts.
Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM) or virtual child pornography refers to materials that do not portray a real child, but which graphically depict sexualized children, male or female, and it is illegal in Canada and the US, but does not fall directly under pornography laws.
Why?
Abusers were getting out of criminal charges because penetration was not occurring. CSAM was brought into the legal proceedings to protect children from being abused. And it means that even if an adult is used as a stand in (which according to sources is not the case in the film Cuties), or the child is photographed/filmed in a sexual way, and that material is then proliferated, it is considered child abuse. Even if the parents, the director, and the producers all gained/gave consent....it is legally child abuse. Even if the "message" was to raise awareness of a situation that is happening, it is against the law and considered child abuse.
And that means anyone who has footage of the 600+ girls "auditioning" for roles in this film, and of the film itself, is in possession of abuse material.

Even if you disagree with me (and I can think of only one reason why), the producers of this movie and the parents are complicit in breaking the law; a law designated to protect children from exploitation. And, depending on how far lawmakers wish to pursue this, sending out advertisements for auditioning for this movie might also fall into luring laws and voyeurism.

I haven't seen the film.
And I won't.  I don't need to see a murder to know that murder is wrong.  I don't need to see a child being abused to know child abuse is wrong.
The scenes that I unfortunately saw presented by Shoe0nhead (deeply edited and thankfully obscured) and a few other youtubers was more than enough for me to be against it even with its explained context.  Just ten seconds of what was shown should be enough to have it considered child abuse (and its more than 10 seconds).  There isn't enough context in the world to make me or anyone else need to see this movie in its entirety to know that it is wrong.  The only way I would ever conceive having to watch material like this is as a juror, and we needed to know just how many graves we needed to dig.


I am not traditionally a book burner.  The only book I have ever wanted removed from a library was Firefly by Piers Anthony.  I was seventeen and I was horrified at reading an alleged fantasy book written by a renowned childrens author that graphically described sex with a five year old, sex with a decapitated chicken, and more.  I felt then as I do now that there was no reason for it to be on the shelf where children could access it, and there was no justification for it to be on a shelf since even Anthony could only justify its existence in relation to Lolita
For me, Cuties falls into this.  There is no real reason for it to exist.  And by all standards it should not exist.  Assuming that each of the children that auditioned for this movie had two parents, over a thousand adults were okay with what was going to happen.  Not one videographer, editor, producer, writer, lawyer, or even the director said "We might be exploiting children in the process of showing the dangers of child exploitation."

Ban it.  Culture will not suffer for its loss.

*The director, who I had assumed from a place of bigotry must have been a white male until I learned that it was a female, considered twerking as sexually liberating and empowering...going against her alleged moral ground that this very behavior was bad for young impressionable girls.


#cutiesnetflix

Storytime with Judas ended it's 10th episode this week, and we were all left with a whirlwind of questions and existential angst.
After a thoroughly good reading of quirky and independent writers, Judas ended with a more pop culture "kid friendly" related book based on Back to the Future.

Does this means the vlogger with goals of making thousands of dollars per video has sold out?  That is difficult to say, since the act of selling out requires a level of integrity and not just producing content for the money.

Putting all of that deeply philosophical questioning aside, we had some more pressing questions to ask.

1. Would the books read make cool movies or videogames?
There is a lot of bright colors and easy dialogue in all of the books Judas reads (and the aforementioned BTTF book has already been a movie), but there is an underlying context that might not be translatable.  Judas chooses the books he reads for several criteria; whimsy, vocabulary, thought provoking concepts, using imagination, and being able to view the world from another perspective.  These all come into play in  his favorite reading Frankenstein Makes a Sandwich.  In that story, the vocabulary is obviously clever due to its rhyming nature, but it is also a story about perception.  Frankenstein's Monster isn't a bad guy, he's just hungry.  And he sees the best in people who are mean to him by taking their bullying and turning it into something satisfying for himself.
Would this translate to a longer visual format?  Maybe not, since the Hollywood has a tendency to throw content in that isn't necessary to a characters progression.

2. Which characters would we like to meet in real life?
Maybe we wouldn't like to meet Dracula on a moonlit night, but it would be really fun to hang out drawing futuristic cars that solve the earths problems as in If I Built A Car.

3. What was the most interesting part of the stories that were read?
Funny voices and faces always add to a good story.  Funny voices don't make a story good, though.  Hopefully, the stories that were read and are going to be read will have more parts that spark our imagination.

4.  Should Judas add links to where the book can be bought?
We can always watch Bedtime Stories with Judas over and over again, but the best part about reading a good story is sharing it with others and adding our own voice to it.  When we read to others, we can show others what parts are important to us by how excited we get when we read our favorite parts.  Also, we can see the pictures more clearly and appreciate all the drawing and painting that went into making the book.

5. Will Judas take requests?
For now, no.  Judas has no problem reading books that his viewers love, and would look forward to doing that.  For now, as his audience remains small, so will his library selection.


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Hudson Gannon, reporting.
​

"I missed".

Storytime With Judas Vlogger and occasional long-time bathroom user only spends 20 minutes cleaning his bathroom, even though he has four sons who often miss the bowl entirely, don't lift the seat, or decide toothpaste is best used on the bathroom mirror.
"You need to plan ahead, and plan like its going to be bad."  He said while hunched over his video editor program instead of making an easy dinner like hepreviously posted.
For those of you new to the concept of deep cleaning, it's the cleaning you do on a weekly or daily basis, to reach the deep, disgusting parts of your bathroom that aren’t normally cleaned (or thought of).
"First get rid of anything empty or used up.  Throw away empty bottles, toilet paper rolls, and empty the trash can before you start spraying and scrubbing.  Then move everything that sits on a ledge onto one shelf or designated area; hand soap, conditioner bottles, and the like".
​The hot sauce connoisseur went on to list everything needed to "get down to brass tacks".
Organize the night before and keep the supplies in a readily accessible way.

Shower and bath
Start with the shower and bath, and place the shower curtains in the tub; spray them with all purpose cleaner and then leave them there for the next step.

Tiles, walls, and ceilings
Spray all surfaces like countertops, tile, walls, and the ceiling with all-purpose cleaner. Run the shower for five minutes to build up steam. Shut the door and let the steam and cleaner mix for twenty minutes. Then wipe down all surfaces with a clean cloth. For walls and ceilings, you can use a microfiber mop to reach the high spaces.  Hang up the shower curtains and wipe them down with a clean old towel.
Bathroom sink
First, pour vinegar or baking soda down the drain and rinse with hot water. Use disinfecting wipes for the handles and faucets in order to prevent transfer of bacteria from other parts of the bathroom (like the toilet). Use floss to clean the base where the faucet and taps are flush with the sink.
Toilets
Coat the entire toilet bowl with a toilet cleaner - preferably with bleach. Scrub the bowl hard with a toilet brush and let it sit for 5 to 10 minutes (you can spray it when you start the steamy shower). While that is sitting, wipe down outside of your toilet with a disinfectant wipe, as well as the outer lid, and then the inner lid. Then, use a bathroom specific disinfectant spray and leave it on for as long as the cleaner recommends (usually 10 minutes). Don’t forget to spray the flush handle. Then wipe everything down with clean cloths.
 
You will get faster the more you repeat this and you will begin to overlap steps.

The author would like to inform his readers that while Judas was saving time cleaning the bathroom, the dishes in the sink piled up into an apocalyptic event, and the laundry didn't get folded.
​

​Lex Gunner, reporting.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!


Covid Socially Isolated husband and father Judas X. Machina got stir crazy, and decided to stir up some quick recipes that would allow him to record his late night bedtime stories for the viewing public.
The author and general layabout claimed laziness was his motivating factor.
"I generally don't want to do anything.  So it was really important to me to find a good, easy meal that my family would eat and think I worked really hard on, while allowing me ample time to play Bejewelled Blitz while I'm supposed to be editing a new Storytime video.
So I used my wifes cast iron skillet that she's really protective of because I left it in the sink for a week while she was in the hospital having our fourth son."  Judas then tried to change the subject.
"Yeah, I remember that."  His wife told our correspondent.  "Here I am pushing a human out of me and I come home to a rusty pan handed down by the family Matriarch Dita Von Harmel Van Bernalmeyer."

Judas then tried to sell us digital copies of his unread novels, while providing us with his recipes.

Bronx Gray, reporting.

Lemon Shrimp Risotto in One Pan

2 Tbsp butter
1 ½ lb(s) peeled and deveined shrimp
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 onion, finely diced
2 cups arborio rice
1 cup dry white wine
About 5 cups vegetable broth
½ tsp kosher salt
1 tsp freshly ground black pepper
1 lemon, zested and juiced, plus extra lemon zest, for garnish
2 Tbsp heavy cream
18 fresh basil leaves, chopped, plus extra for serving
Grated Parmesan, for sprinkling
DIRECTIONS1. Heat the butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the shrimp in a single layer and cook on both sides until opaque in the middle, about 3 minutes. Remove to a cutting board and cut in half. Set aside.
2. Return the skillet to the stovetop (do not wash it) and add the garlic and onion. Stir and cook until the onion starts to turn translucent, 2 to 3 minutes. Reduce the heat to medium low. Add the rice to the skillet and cook, stirring, for a couple of minutes, taking care not to burn it. Pour in the wine and stir. Once the wine is absorbed, begin adding the broth 1/2 to 1 cup at a time, allowing the rice to cook and absorb the liquid each time. Stir occasionally as you go and add the salt and pepper during one of the broth additions. After 4 cups of broth have been absorbed, taste the rice. It should have a slight bite, but if it seems undercooked, add additional broth for the rice to absorb and cook until the risotto is to your liking.
3. Add both the lemon zest and juice to the risotto towards the end of cooking. Stir in the heavy cream, shrimp and basil, then serve immediately with extra lemon zest and Parmesan cheese on top.

Cast Iron Pizza
1 lb(s) frozen store-bought pizza dough*, thawed and risen
¼ cup olive oil
½ cup store-bought pizza sauce
½ cup pepperoni
An inappropriate amount of Mozzarella with a bit of cheddar for a deeper flavor
¼ cup torn fresh basil if you want.
DIRECTIONS1. Place a 12-inch cast-iron skillet in the oven and preheat to 500ºF.
2. Meanwhile, roll or stretch the dough into a 14-inch circle. Carefully remove the skillet from the oven. Drizzle two thirds of the olive oil into the skillet, then carefully transfer the dough to the skillet, pressing the dough up the edges. Spread the sauce over the dough, making sure to get all the way to the edges. Shingle the pepperoni over the sauce and top with the mozzarella pearls. Brush the exposed dough with the remaining olive oil. Bake on the bottom rack until golden brown, 12 to 14 minutes.

*Making your own pizza dough is easy!
Two packets of Flieshmans Yeast in a slightly warm bowl of 1/2 cup of water, 1 teaspoon sugar.  Let sit for 10 minutes.
Add 2 cups flour and 1/2 cup olive oil, 1 teaspoon of salt, and hand mix in a stainless steel bowl adding flour as necessary until the dough is elastic without dry cracks.  Let rise for ten minutes.

Millions of Canadians have been holed up at home for weeks now, practising physical distancing in an effort to slow the spread of the new coronavirus. As a result, more than half say they feel lonely and isolated.
People are trying all kinds of ways of staying socially connected, from video calls with friends to "driveway parties" with neighbors.
Now, some are recording stories for friends and family, — but could this spread the virus?

No.

That is dumb.  Almost as dumb as the local man who has decided to film himself reading bed time stories written by other people instead of working on his own novels.

Instead of leaving the floors for last, and dusting first so that all the particulate would fall to the floor, local father of four, Judas, wandered around aimlessly and waited for his kids to go to sleep so he could record a storytime video for them, instead of reading it to them.
The absent minded dad also completely did not wipe the bathroom from the top to the bottom.  It would have been a good tip to clean the toilet last, since cleaning it first would cause the spread of bacteria instead of minimizing it.  Cleaning the small areas would have been important, too, but he was distracted by thoughts of how to get the family dog in the frame of the video.  Judas also ignored using a dry sponge to collect dog hair from the couch, which is a very effective way to gather pet hair according to Martha Stewart, who was quoted in a telephone interview as saying "I have no idea what you're talking about.  Stop calling this number!"

His wife, Kay, also informed this reporter that Judas did not add cleaning solution to the bottom of the toilet scrubber holder, which is a very "useful and sanitary thing he could have done" she tweeted, adding "Filling the tub with warm water and a splash of bleach and then soaking the shower curtain is a great way he could get rid of mildew".

During dinner preparation, Judas also neglected to use lemon and salt to eliminate hard water stains around the sink taps.  He failed to realize that he could double the usage of the lemons and salt by grinding them with ice in the garbage disposal, eliminating the stinky odor emanating from the drain.

The video can be found here.

A Husband of one* and father of four "Judas" is using his...art... to help pass the time while under home isolation during the Covid pandemic.
The layabout, 50, took to social media and posted an underwhelming 2-minute long video of him reading someone else's work.
"I've been bored at home so I made a video for u cogs!!!" he didn't say in the video or tweet.
The video begins with free domain music and a pre-made opener that looks like it was taken from a Mexican Day of the Dead home movie a laid off cable 10 video editor would use.
The non celebrity then proceeds to prance around in a bra and underwear, knee high socks...oops.  That's the Ke$ha Home Alone video.

At one point the rocking chair Judas is sitting on lets out a loud creaking, something that a professional video editor would have cut.

Judas has 3 published and unread novels.

(*cough not a Joe Exotic situation)

In a move that will come as no surprise to parents, father of four Judas X. Machina is going to continue reading to his children.
Judas has never appeared on tv or in movies, and is no celebrity of any kind, though he has read bedtime stories to his children for years.  He will return to the role of bedtime story reader his wife said in a press release last Wednesday.

The father, best known for his roles as late night fridge raider and bathroom oderizer, proved to be a very popular bedtime story reader, with his children laughing at the variety of voices used, reaching a high of 12 whole views on YouTube.

News of Judas's continued reading was received with a casual shrug of his wife; "I'll be there.  I've heard all these stories before".
His Mother-in-Law had this to say:  "Judas is hands down my favorite father to read to his children.  I've never seen him do it, but I'm sure he's great."

The readings will include Frankenstein Eats a Sandwich, a variety of Lil Critters, and Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooey (which this reporter was unable to find a copy of, and Judas was evasive in it's source saying it was part of his two favorite philosophers, and "the rules were made up").

The stories will be read every evening roughly at 7:00 p.m. local time and won't be streamed or viewed anywhere else.

I've been heading all over the world lately, and in the small quiet moments I've written some short horror stories.
They....took some time to make?  Are not very scary?  Need work?  All of the above?
Well, you decide.
And then tell me what you thought.  Otherwise I'll just keep trotting out this stuff and you'll never escape it.
​