DEAR JERKASS: Recently, my friends threw me a party for my 34th birthday. A number of them brought their children (ages 2 to 6 years) to the Saturday afternoon event.
When I began opening my gifts, several of the children started throwing tantrums because they were not being given gifts. I thought this might be a good learning opportunity to gently teach the children that it was not their birthday, but someone else's special day. However, some of the parents began insisting that I let the crying (and by this point, screaming) children open my gifts(!). Instead, I stopped opening gifts, put all the presents up on a shelf and began serving cake and ice cream and handing out balloons and other party favors.
This satisfied some of the children, but others were still screaming. One of the parents then began berating me, saying that I was "the biggest child" for not "sharing." Needless to say, the party ended early and with some hurt feelings. Was I wrong to not allow small children to tear open my fragile and expensive birthday gifts? -- IT'S MY SPECIAL DAY

DEAR WTF is wrong with your friends?!  Seriously.  I’m not even going to make up some lame ass name for you.  I would have booted them out the door AND their hell-spawn AND posted a sign on the front lawn that read “Children will be shot on sight”. 
Look, I don’t care if someone elses kid has a tantrum.  A kid has a melt down and it isn’t the parents fault.
What is their fault is teaching them to be an entitled little twat and encouraging this kind of behavior.  Know who else acts like this?  Full grown college socialists who have no understanding that you can’t always get what you want.
You need new friends, and if you have kids, you need to make sure they aren’t friends with these pathetic losers kids.
Here’s a life lesson, folks: You don’t HAVE to share.  It’s nice if you share.  But you don’t have to.  And if you teach your kids unconditional sharing all you’re really teaching them is to be entitled to things that aren’t theirs.  They will take without asking, assuming that they have a RIGHT to whatever it is that has filled their greed.  And then it’s an easy conclusion to arrive at “Hey, if I use enough force, I can just take what I want”.
Seriously, cut those freaks out of your life. 

DEAR JERKASS: I have a crush on a guy I work with. I'm 19, and he's 26. He has a kid, which actually doesn't bother me. I love kids and have taken care of them most of my life. My problem is he has this ex who wants to get back together with him. They broke up because she was staying out all night and cheating.
He used to flirt with me and text me all the time and offer me his hoodie. Now she's sort of back in the picture and he ignores me and doesn't return my texts. But when we see each other he starts flirting again, and we just click. We make sense.
I guess my question is, should I tell him how I feel before it's too late or just keep it to myself? Should I risk everything and go for it? -- UNCERTAIN IN NEW YORK

DEAR FUTURE STEP MOM:  Get your ass away from him.  Sorry, most women aren’t a viable relationship option until after 23*, and he already has a kid
Seriously, this is just one bad situation.  Here’s an option; quit.  If you see him outside of work and you still “click”, go ahead and become part of his family unit.  But his cheating ex will always be in the picture, she’s the mother of his child.  And you’re GOING to have to deal with that.
You ready for that?  Being a role model and possibly at odds with the other role model?
I don’t care how much “in love” with this guy you are; this kid is going to have you in their life, no matter how much you think they won’t.  So the question that you should be asking of yourself that you haven’t even thought of because you’re too busy crushing on the dad  is “What do I have to offer this man and his child, and can I even be a benefit to his ex?” 
What?  A “benefit to his ex?” 
Yes.
Because that ex is going to have to trust you, a stranger, with their child.  Trust you as an influence.  Trust you that you aren’t going to talk shit about them when they aren’t around.
Did you think about that?
No, you’re busy thinking about hunky co worker and Gummy Bears, and stickers, and puppies…and whatever else you kids think about these days.



*Yeah I said it!  Most of you in that age range (not all but most) are still in that “party” stage of your life and you’re hunting around, finding out what you want.  All I’m saying is that you don’t WANT to settle down, even if you think you want to. 

DEAR JERKASS:
Would it be appropriate for someone to tell someone else's children to stop doing something dangerous if the parent is not around? I'm talking about kids holding scissors the wrong way or running with them, pushing others, etc.My children are in their teens now and know that such behavior is wrong. If it were the other way around, I would be grateful if someone cared enough to tell my kids that a behavior is wrong and/or dangerous. -- GLAD IN THE MIDWEST


DEAR MIDDLE OF THE PROZAK:
Within reason, yes. 
A kid hurting another kid is definitely a moment to step in.  Kids with edged objects, sure, go ahead.  Running out into the street, by all means, interfere.  Screaming bloody murder and their arm is at a weird angle, do not pass go.
Keep your interaction with kids minimal, since you are a stranger BUT they also need to know that their actions are being watched by the “rest of the world”, and they will be held accountable for their actions even when their parents aren’t around.  Yelling at a strange kid for wailing on another kid, or seeing them vandalize something, gives them a reality check and hopefully lets them develop a “we’re all in this together” mentality.
A toddler that is not yours on a swing is no reason to hover, though.  Especially with those newer parks that have that grassy foam stuff that wouldn’t hurt if you got body slammed on it.
Like when I take my kids to the park, they’re pretty athletic.  If they fall down, they won’t die like some other kids do, according to their parents. 
You standing at the bottom of the slide waiting for your six year old to come down safely?  You can fuck right off with that shit, and stay away from my kids.  Coming at me with a simpering “Buh buh buht I don’t want them to get hurt…?” just pisses me right off.  One, getting hurt is not evil.  Two, a bump or a bruise is part of learning how to navigate objects, and learning spacial relationships is key for things like balance and judging distance.  Three, if it isn’t broken or they’re not bleeding, they are fine.  And crying with them and babying them only teaches them to stop everything if they get mildly hurt.  Treat it seriously but also teach them how to get back up and deal with the pain.  As adults they are going to encounter situations where they are going to be hurt and need to be able to keep a rational mind.  We don’t want our kids to grow up to become Michael from the Office, doing stupid things like burning his foot on a George Forman Grill and expecting the whole office to cater to him.
YOU GOT THAT HOVER PARENTS!  Do you hate Michael from the office?  You’re going to turn your kids into HIM if you keep it up.