DEAR JERKASS: My girlfriends are always trying to get me drunk. I don't need alcohol to have a good time, and in fact, I rarely drink. They say I'm "no fun," which is probably true. But that's just who I am.
Although they never drink and drive, they drink a lot and are embarrassing when they sing loud, stumble on the dance floor and slur their words. I'm afraid if I get drunk I may say something hurtful to them, and they will no longer be my friends.
My boyfriend says they're not true friends if they want me to drink to excess. My college days are behind me. I am mature enough not to succumb to this peer pressure. Is my boyfriend right? Do I need new friends? -- TEETOTALER IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR CHURCH LADY,
Yes. You need new wet blanket friends. While you shouldn't need alcohol to have fun, or need to drink every weekend, avoiding it completely and judging others for drinking is just the sort of behavior that people can't stand. There's a reason.
Since you rarely drink, anything more than what you drink is probably "too much" for other people. There's nothing wrong with singing loud or being on the dance floor. Your friends need someone who doesn't think they're better than them.
Not succumbing to peer pressure is one thing. Hanging around with people you don't approve of and complaining behind their back is another.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.