DEAR JERKASS: I am an only child who has lived at home all her life -- 44 years. My father recently passed away, so now it is just Mom and me. She has become extremely clingy. She is jealous of my friends and feels I must be with her for almost everything. What can I do?
I think I should move out, but she will take it badly. Also, I'm concerned about her health. She's 71, diabetic and has a heart condition. Is this a lost cause or is there hope? -- HOPING IN FLORIDA
DEAR BASEMENT DWELLER: The fact you still live at home, and live in Florida, has already "triggered" me with immense laughter.
You should have moved out almost 26 years ago.
No. Seriously. There is no reason you should have stayed at home for that long. Returning home to care for your ailing mother...sure. I don't have that inclination, but I'm a Jerkass. You returning to take care of your mother would be a good thing.
Provided you had left and carved out your own life.
Then the sacrifice of taking care of your diabetic mother might make you seem less like a virtue signalling dope using their mothers illness as an excuse to keep living at home, and more of a respectable human being.
The only reason you could be living at home at that age is (and I actually say this with great care and respect) if you have some debilitating form of autism*.
But the fact that you can recognize the jealousy of others and are not oblivious to other peoples emotions puts you more on the narcissistic sociopath side of things.
Who is the parasite here?
YOU! Your mother lived a life and now is afraid of death. What does she have to show for it? A heart condition and a child that never left.
A child! A damn, whining child who never had to take care of themselves now berating their whiny mother for wanting to spend time together.
You, madam, suck donkey balls. Go sell a kidney on the black market, hire a nurse for your mother, and just fuck off around Europe for a year. You'll be doing everyone a favor, including your friends who might end up finding you interesting to talk to.
*Autism is, of course, a spectrum that affects people differently. I do not consider it a disability per se (because to me that implies that they are somehow "less than" in some peoples perception), but a difference that has needs specifically catered to each person. My own son "suffers" from being on the spectrum, yet he has an amazing drawing capability, a deeply analytical mind, and a breadth of emotions and thoughts that just aren't witnessed by the average passerby. He has needs that are very different from his siblings, but that also genuinely make up part of his amazing personality.
There is so much about autism that I just cannot articulate here, and I apologize for everything I get wrong on this subject.
Here is just one of many links that can bring understanding to this difference.
And here is a quick link to some people on the spectrum who have adapted fantastically:
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.