DEAR ABBY: Can you settle a dispute for me? When you go up to a house with two doors -- a regular door and a screen door -- and there is no doorbell, is it proper to open the first door and knock on the second door or is it considered rude? -- KNOCK, KNOCK
People don't like religious pamphlets handed to them. Just stuff them in the garbage and go for a nice walk.
Open the screen door, knock, and allow the screen door to close while you take a step back.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.