Dear Jerkass -Birthday B.S.
DEAR JERKASS: Recently, my friends threw me a party for my 34th birthday. A number of them brought their children (ages 2 to 6 years) to the Saturday afternoon event.
When I began opening my gifts, several of the children started throwing tantrums because they were not being given gifts. I thought this might be a good learning opportunity to gently teach the children that it was not their birthday, but someone else's special day. However, some of the parents began insisting that I let the crying (and by this point, screaming) children open my gifts(!). Instead, I stopped opening gifts, put all the presents up on a shelf and began serving cake and ice cream and handing out balloons and other party favors.
This satisfied some of the children, but others were still screaming. One of the parents then began berating me, saying that I was "the biggest child" for not "sharing." Needless to say, the party ended early and with some hurt feelings. Was I wrong to not allow small children to tear open my fragile and expensive birthday gifts? -- IT'S MY SPECIAL DAY
DEAR WTF is wrong with your friends?! Seriously. I’m not even going to make up some lame ass name for you. I would have booted them out the door AND their hell-spawn AND posted a sign on the front lawn that read “Children will be shot on sight”.
Look, I don’t care if someone elses kid has a tantrum. A kid has a melt down and it isn’t the parents fault.
What is their fault is teaching them to be an entitled little twat and encouraging this kind of behavior. Know who else acts like this? Full grown college socialists who have no understanding that you can’t always get what you want.
You need new friends, and if you have kids, you need to make sure they aren’t friends with these pathetic losers kids.
Here’s a life lesson, folks: You don’t HAVE to share. It’s nice if you share. But you don’t have to. And if you teach your kids unconditional sharing all you’re really teaching them is to be entitled to things that aren’t theirs. They will take without asking, assuming that they have a RIGHT to whatever it is that has filled their greed. And then it’s an easy conclusion to arrive at “Hey, if I use enough force, I can just take what I want”.
Seriously, cut those freaks out of your life.
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Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.