DEAR JERKASS: I have a crush on a guy I work with. I'm 19, and he's 26. He has a kid, which actually doesn't bother me. I love kids and have taken care of them most of my life. My problem is he has this ex who wants to get back together with him. They broke up because she was staying out all night and cheating.
He used to flirt with me and text me all the time and offer me his hoodie. Now she's sort of back in the picture and he ignores me and doesn't return my texts. But when we see each other he starts flirting again, and we just click. We make sense.
I guess my question is, should I tell him how I feel before it's too late or just keep it to myself? Should I risk everything and go for it? -- UNCERTAIN IN NEW YORK
DEAR FUTURE STEP MOM: Get your ass away from him. Sorry, most women aren’t a viable relationship option until after 23*, and he already has a kid
Seriously, this is just one bad situation. Here’s an option; quit. If you see him outside of work and you still “click”, go ahead and become part of his family unit. But his cheating ex will always be in the picture, she’s the mother of his child. And you’re GOING to have to deal with that.
You ready for that? Being a role model and possibly at odds with the other role model?
I don’t care how much “in love” with this guy you are; this kid is going to have you in their life, no matter how much you think they won’t. So the question that you should be asking of yourself that you haven’t even thought of because you’re too busy crushing on the dad is “What do I have to offer this man and his child, and can I even be a benefit to his ex?”
What? A “benefit to his ex?”
Because that ex is going to have to trust you, a stranger, with their child. Trust you as an influence. Trust you that you aren’t going to talk shit about them when they aren’t around.
Did you think about that?
No, you’re busy thinking about hunky co worker and Gummy Bears, and stickers, and puppies…and whatever else you kids think about these days.
*Yeah I said it! Most of you in that age range (not all but most) are still in that “party” stage of your life and you’re hunting around, finding out what you want. All I’m saying is that you don’t WANT to settle down, even if you think you want to.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.