Western Australia, 1932
It is a time of great turmoil for the Australian people. The Emu, nature's deadliest giant chicken, has invaded the shores of Campion.
20,000 emus, migrating after their breeding season, have begun to head to the coast from inland. With the lands previously cleared by British veterans and ex soldiers for the purpose of farming, these mindless economic migrants have found the cultivated land good habitat, and have begun to appropriate the area.
The government, terrorized by these flightless, walnut brained birds has called upon its mightiest warriors; Major G.P.W. Meredith, and the Royal Australian Artillery.
These brave men, armed only with the Lewis gun that is only able to fire a mere 500 rounds per second, went face to face with the feathered menace on the 2nd of November, 1932.
The Minister of Defense, Sir George Pearce readily dispatches the soldiers, conducted under the command of Major G.P.W. Pearce of the Seventh Heavy Battery of the Royal Australian Artillery.
Originally begun in October, rainfall caused delay of the war since it had caused the emus to scatter over a wider area…
With the ceasing of the rain on November 2nd, Meredith gave the orders to commence the war and collect 100 emu skins, to be used to make hats…for the light horsemen.
50 emus were sighted near the Campion region!
They were out of range.
Meredith bravely commanded local farmers to herd the emus into an ambush. But the emus split into smaller groups and ran, becoming difficult targets.
Yet all was not lost, as 12 whole birds were killed.
Two days passed without incident from either side.
Then, on Novemebr 4th, Major Meredith established an ambush near a local dam, where nearly 1,000 emus were spotted.
Their guns jammed and 12 unarmed, flightless, walnut brained birds died at the hands of the brave, well armed soldiers. The rest of the birds scattered.
In the days that followed Meredith attempted to keep a stiff upper lip, and resume the war further south where the birds were reported to be “rather tame.”
But the birds had learned.
General Blackfeather Emu Spits Spits, a six foot Emu with beautiful black plumage, had taken charge of a flock of Emus, acting as look out while his moronic mates carried out their work of destruction, warning them of Merediths attacks.
The two warriors made eye contact, and knew that neither would back down in the coming days.
With a flash of brilliance, Meredith demands that the Lewis gun be attached to a truck!
This proved to be effective, as the birds are faster than the truck, and the terrain so rough that the gunner was unable to fire any shots.
By November 8th, six days after the first engagement, two thousand rounds of ammunition had been fired. The number of Emus killed; uncertain. Accounts range from 2 to five hundred.
Meredith bolsters himself with the good news that at the very least, his men have suffered no casualties.
Meredith began to withdraw his troops.
After the withdrawal, Major Meredith compared the emus to Zulus and commented on the striking maneuverability of the emus, even while badly wounded.
“If we had a military division with the bullet-carrying capacity of these birds it would face any army in the world... They can face machine guns with the invulnerability of tanks. They are like Zulus whom even dum-dum bullets could not stop.”
The Emu terror continued, however. Attacks on crops reached an almost epidemic rate, and Meredith and his men attempted to lead another charge on the dreaded menace.
Taking to the field on 13 November 1932, the military found a degree of success over the first two days, with approximately 40 emus killed. The third day, 15 November, proved to be far less successful, but by 2 December the guns were accounting for approximately 100 emus per week. Meredith was recalled on 10 December, and in his report he claimed 986 kills with 9,860 rounds, at a rate of exactly 10 rounds per confirmed kill. In addition, Meredith claimed 2,500 wounded birds had died as a result of the injuries that they had sustained.
The war, however, was a complete failure. The Dreaded Emus, like the nefarious Texans, they continued to persist.