Movie Review #4 Spiderhole

I was going to review 11/11/11, by the movie company The Asylum. Then I remembered what movies they produce, and I already saw a bad movie that took itself too seriously. I mean, they do have movies like Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, and Transmorphers, so it's not all bad (sarcasm). Many of their films take advantage of older people and stupid people, I'm sure. How many people rented Snakes on a Train thinking there was going to be a badass black guy acting serious in a comedy?

To me a horror movie has some kind of supernatural/super nature element to it. A slasher movie like the Hitcher or Saw I consider to be a thriller. Horror has an element of the undefinable, thrillers use jumps and gore.

So I went with the British slasher movie (I thought the category said paranormal, my bad).

Movie Review #4 Spiderhole
Directed by ahh who cares anymore... this is their first film. I doubt anyone will treat them Scorcese-like ten years from now.

Bumps: 2
Music Jumps: 1
Creaks: 3
Creeps: 6
Gross Out: 3 with one extra for Kay being grossed out for a sneeze into a rag.
Bullsh*t: 4
Wife survival time: 56 min out of 1hr 26min

"Spiderhole", a Spiderhole production...That can't be good. When the movie shares the same name as the production company it usually means they take themselves too seriously when they haven't produced anything to support that.

I started to compare this movie to others, but that's probably because the previous nights film jaded me.

It starts off with the cliche-begin-with-the-ending. So we immediately know who the last victim is going to be. Then it moves into a version of the-kids-go-camping-in-an-isolated-area. Only this time it's college kids are looking for an empty house to squat in. Kay said of this, “I would rather camp in the middle of nowhere than in an abandoned building”. This was validated by one of the characters asking, “This is safe, right?”

What made this film seem different from an American film of the same style, was that the characters seemed to like each other. In an American slasher, usually the male characters are goading each other so badly you wonder why they are spending any time together if they hate each other so much. Here, when they rib each other it seems good natured.

So, four college kids break into a house with squatting plans. They drink a bit, check the place out, and find some bloody clothes in a cupboard. First off they immediately think to call the cops...in the morning.

In the morning they find that they are sealed in the building. The doors are steel and are bolted. The windows are covered in sound-proof steel (discovered after they take the boards covering them down). They think of escape plans very quickly, and discover that their cell phones have been stolen. How would someone sleep through all this? Krazy Yellow Knockout Gas (shown being used later).

Their deductions are good and at least they are smart victims. They fashion weapons, suggest burning plastic in the fireplace to get attention, other ideas until they are knocked unconscious again.

The killer has also seeded false hope effectively throughout the house. They have lights, food is left out for them, and when one gets cut the find a tray set out with a needle and thread to stitch the wound.

There is a moment when one of the characters lies to the others, and his reasoning is completely plausible. He feels a combination of cowardice and protection for the others, which he admits to. It's rare to see characters in a thriller movie with this kind of awareness.

The killer has some good misdirects and even I with the jaded eye was a little slow on one or two twists. The killer also has a strange motivation for killing, and it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility. It's shown that the killers father is an intelligent man, and implied that the killer is not as intelligent. For someone who isn't as smart as a surgeon, he plans meticulously well.

Of course, with any movie, there are moments of Bullsh*t. Spee ihder hole only had a few (sorry about the spider joke. Been watching Megamind too much).

1. Zap straps don't break very easily, even after chewing on them.
   
   
2. If you are being chased by a killer, grab a chair, a lamp, ANYTHING to defend yourself!
   
   
3. Double Tap! Why the hell wouldn't anyone do that? At least check for a pulse when you are trying to kill someone.
   
   
4. Even with the foreshadowing SPOLIER SPOILER SPOILER why the hell would he keep a little girl alive for ten years?
   
   
   

Watch it? If you like slasher movies where the people are trapped, yes.




I gave it 3.5 glowsticks out of 5.