"You've Got The Aids!"
DEAR JERKASS: My sister-in-law is in a barbershop quartet. While I appreciate the artistic effort of what she does, listening to it bores me and I don't enjoy it. I feel like I must go to her recitals because she makes a point of inviting my husband and me.
I have an ethical dilemma. Should I be honest with her and say I don't enjoy sitting through two to three hours of a capella songs? Or should I be true to MYSELF and admit I'd rather stay home and catch up on my reading? What would you do, Abby? -- EARACHE IN IDAHO
Why is this an ethical dilema, since you have presented two arguments that get you out of listening to her group?
"I don't like cheese, but I also don't like things made from milk. Such an ethical dilemma!"
Balls up you moron and just tell her that it's not your interest. We have this redonkulous idea that if someone likes something, we have to like it too, otherwise we're fucking assholes. You're an asshole, but only because you don't know the difference between being considerate and having a moral dilemma.
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Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.