Source material. Who knew?
DEAR JERKASS: My husband, "Vinny," and I were married 11 years when he left me for another woman. Eight months later he decided the grass wasn't greener on that side of the fence and came back. Our marriage is better now than it was before the affair.
Seven months later his younger brother "Nicky" got divorced and moved in with us. A short while after that, Vinny and Nicky joined a band.
It has been a year now, and my brother-in-law is still here. I am more than ready for him to move out, but every time I mention it, Vinny says Nicky has "just" gone through a divorce and "we're all he has."
I hate all the time Vinny devotes to the band. I try not to complain because I know how much he enjoys it, but I'm miserable. They practice in our basement on Mondays and Wednesdays, and every Friday and Saturday night is spent performing.
I have no privacy! How do I get Nicky out of here? Should I push the issue with the band or let it go? My parents are furious with Vinny. They say he's reliving his childhood, Nicky is taking advantage and Vinny is taking me for granted. Can you offer some advice? -- HURTING IN NEW YORK
DEAR SHOULD BE IN A TRAILER PARK,
How many dogs do you have? Are they on the same chain as your wallet?
How about you move out, and take everything with you, including having the utilities cut off.
Did you read what you wrote, or did you just blindfold yourself and magically the letter somehow made it through the post? Because this is fucking stupid, and anyone reading it for the first time would think you are a doormat.
Your only option is to wait until your husband cheats on you again, and then forgive him, and let his cousins move in. That's all you are capable of doing because you have no sense of respect for yourself, or the intelligence to realize that half of this is all your own fault. HOW CAN THIS BE BETTER THAN IT WAS BEFORE? He's using you. And you are letting Vinny do it.
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Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.