What "Friend" Does This?
Why do I bother? What if I'm just helping stupid people breed?
DEAR JERKASS: My girlfriend and I live next to a married couple our age we have befriended. Unfortunately, the husband has been making unwanted advances toward my girlfriend. Being friendly with them both, we have kept it to ourselves so as not to hurt the wife. She's ill and has been in and out of the hospital.
The husband is approaching my girlfriend saying he needs "stress relief" because his wife is ill. We now feel something needs to be said to the wife, but we still have to live next door to them.
We're at a loss. What's the best way to handle this? -- HAD ENOUGH IN FLORIDA
Tell him to fuck off. Why are you okay with this? Just because a guy's horny doesn't allow him to act that way. Next time he does it, tell him getting the literal shit beat out of him will relieve a whole lot of stress- yours.
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Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.