VAMPIRES!

Here's the original.


DEAR JERKASS: I became a widower two years ago and only recently started dating. Although I am in my early 70s, I'm in great physical shape and have all my hair. I am also financially well off and I think I'm reasonably good looking. My concern is, how do I avoid becoming a trophy husband? -- POTENTIAL PRIZE IN FLORIDA

DEAR PLAYER,
Planning on getting married already?  Simple solution: don't get married and spread some wild oats around (provided you are fixed.  You don't need any fuck trophies).  Then get a venereal disease and die and leave all your wealth to a charitable organization, so that it will accomplish more than you ever did.