Everyone is stupid, except me.
DEAR JERKASS: I'm a 14-year-old girl and I need my own bedroom. Ever since I was born, I have shared a room with my 17-year-old sister. Maybe it was OK when we were younger, but now it is impossible. It's crowded and annoying. I have no privacy, and I can't decorate it how I want.
What makes this worse is that we have an extra room. My parents refuse to consider it and won't give me a reason. It has gotten so bad I have moved into a closet. Every time I walk into my room I get a headache. I never hang out there anymore. Please help. -- IN THE CLOSET IN N.Y.
Get a job and offer to pay rent for the room. Get a hobby, an after school activity, or anything that keeps you from using the room for anything other than sleeping. Or try to talk your sister into getting a job and moving out. At the end of the day, the rooms belong to your parents, and it's not like you are living in a third world country. Quit whining about your stupid problems, do your homework, and someday if you spawn you'll be able to provide separate rooms for your larvae. Hopefully you'll be fine with hearing them whine about stupid little crap.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.