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BAD ADVICE

GET IT WHILE IT'S STEAMING

Upper Back Problems are Worth It?

5/22/2014

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DEAR Jerkass: I'm 11 and in the sixth grade. I am very self-conscious. Every girl in my grade has a bigger chest than me, and I am feeling insecure because mine isn't developed.

I know I am young, but I want to fit in. Every day I feel horrible about myself. Can you help? -- INSECURE 6TH GRADER

Dear Insecure,
I'm going to make this worse and then better.
Women are always going to make you feel insecure.  Part of it will be because there are bitches out there that just want to destroy you socially because they view other women as a threat, and the other because you compare yourself to others.  The former is never going to change, ever.
The solution to both is easy: stop comparing yourself to others, only to yourself.
How is that possible?
Let's compare it to a race: If you train hard, and try to be faster than you're last timing, you will improve.  Sometimes you may improve to the point where you are faster than someone else.  Sometimes a person will outrun you.  As long as you are working to become faster than your last timing, you are always "winning".  To paraphrase Baz Luhrman, "Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.  The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself."
But big tits aren't going to make you popular.  Or they will, but for the wrong reasons, and then you'll find out what they are truly for while you breastfeed a baby at your prom.
Who cares if you have jugs or not?  Anyone who tells you that bigger is better either has a small dick or has no self esteem.
Fitting in is good only if you actually care what other people say.  As someone who never fit in, I say fuckem.  And you should, too.  Or not.  Just don't slash your wrists over what some stupid teeny-bopper wrote about you online.  That shit is stupid.
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    Judas' Advice Column

    This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice.  I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.
    I often take the stance against the letter writer since usually they are complaining about someone who can't defend themselves.

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  • The Mind Cannibalism
  • Thought For Food
  • Who is Judas X. Machina?
  • Mental Sewage
  • Experimental
  • The basics of Finding Fault
    • Failed Daily
  • Dear Jerkass