Dear Abby, how I would love to take over your column. But, since I can't, I'll just rip on you here in obscurity. Her answers are here.
Here's what everyone else came for.
DEAR CRABBY: I was invited to my first prom yesterday. The boy is a senior and the son of a friend of my mom's.
We have a lot in common. We have been friends for years and compete against each other in academics. The problem is, he asked a close friend of mine to go to the prom last week, and he did it right in front of me.
My friends, including the girl who said no, keep telling me he really does like me, even though I was apparently his second choice. The trouble is, I already said yes and I don't want to go back on my word. How do I keep myself from feeling like a consolation prize? -- SECOND BEST
I know prom is the end-all-be-all of human existence. Since you were a second choice, this will affect everything in the rest of your life. You can't get married now. You will no longer be allowed to go to the university you want. You will always get hand-me-down clothes, even if you have money to buy new ones.
This is highschool. What, are you going to marry this guy? Be realistic, or at least slightly optimistic: the other girl who said "no" may have made a huge mistake. Or is maybe matchmaking. Or will now end up with no one to go with. The reality is that many people don't get what they want. So you can mope and groan, whine and complain because (sarcastic) that will make everything better. Or you can go have fun and not worry about what came before, but what comes now and after.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.