But you're here to read me.
Sorry, this one isn't very snarky. I still have my dogs on a chain. I'll let them off soon, when something really polarizing gets posted.
Then you'll see.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful man for 30 years. Our marriage may not be perfect, but it's quite good.
My dilemma is this: My husband keeps track of every time we have sex and has a personal goal of 100 times a year. In 2013, he informed me that we'd had sex only 76 times, and that was not adequate for him. He was quite upset about it.
Do you think tracking your sex life is normal, and what do you think about a couple married for 30-plus years having sex 76 times in a year? Is that normal? Also, keep in mind that he travels for business and is gone about 60 days a year. -- PRESSURED
The average for married couples between the ages of 50-59 is about once week. 364 days a year (minus sixty for work) means roughly twice a week.
While it is odd that he keeps track of how many times a year, I think maybe it stems from knowing what the average is. Maybe in his mind, he's proving that things are good, that he's still "got it". Unless he's really lousy at it (which after 30 years, thats apparently not the issue), I don't see an issue. If you're bored, or feel truly pressured, why not take control of it and spice things up a bit? Do some role playing, a little domination, make him work for it a little. Tell him that one crazy fantasy you've had for years but never spoken of. Or ask him to "woo" you.
You know, talk about it.
DEAR ABBY: After six years of unsuccessful fertility work, my husband and I were forced to give up. Last summer his sister offered to be a surrogate for us, and we'll use a donor egg since I have none. We have told only a few people.
We're having an embryo transfer next week and thought we'd wait until after the first trimester to "announce." But what is the proper way to do it when it's not actually I who is expecting? And is there etiquette for having a baby shower in this situation?
We're excited and proud of this opportunity, but it takes a lot of explaining for people to understand and not be judgmental. This is the closest we'll ever get to experiencing pregnancy, and I want to enjoy it to the fullest. -- MODERN MOM-TO-BE IN WASHINGTON
Why not treat it like an adoption party? The explanation would be simple: "We're adopting a family members baby, and we're happy about it". People don't need to know the details, and you can share it at your discretion. You can still have all those fun things bio parents have. You are over thinking what other people are going to say. I think you should be more focused on each other, and the new home you are creating, and worry less about the social niceties and opinions of people who if they cared about you, would cram their opinions down their own throats.
DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old granddaughter is seeing a 30-year-old man. What can I say to let her know he is way too old for her? I don't want her to hate me. -- LOVING GRANDMA IN FLORIDA
Dear Loving Grandma,
If the U.S. government can declare tomatoes as a vegetable, and a woman can marry a dolphin, then trying to rationalize something to a teenager isn't going to work since many teens don't have fully developed frontal lobes. Those aformentioned government officials and dolphin wedders weren't teens, and look how ridiculous those choices are. However, people nowadays rarely marry their boyfriends at 18, no matter what age the other person is. Even if she were dating someone more her age, chances are she'd either dump him or vice versa. Just let this play itself out. She may get hurt in the process, but she won't die. And you can be there to dote on her when she's sobbing into a pillow over how much breaking up sucks. Then you can introduce her to your friends grandson and play matchmaker.