I'm really hated. I must be doing a good job.
Here's one response to my letter:
"Wow! How do you DO that? You have managed several times now to completely disregard the actual issue, and you keep coming back to this business about the 'friend' just wanting other friends! Amazing how single minded you are. So, since you are clearly unable to grasp the 'actual' problem that LW (Letter Writer) wrote in about, why bother replying? I won't again, that's for sure. I thought you were actually just 'not' getting it, but you are actually REFUSING to get it. LMAO!!! Ta Ta Now!!"
Here's the letter:
DEAR JERKASS: My best friend told me several months ago that she needed to make new friends. When I gave her a surprised look, her response was, "No, you took that the wrong way." I left it at that.
She recently mentioned that she was going to invite several of our neighbors over for cocktails and a light dinner, but she did not invite me. The evening of the event, while her guests were still there, she phoned me. She said they were finished with dinner and asked if I wanted to walk over and get some leftovers. I politely declined, saying I wasn't dressed.
Abby, I'm shocked that she would ask me to come over to, basically, get a takeout plate. Your thoughts? -- NO TAKEOUT FOR ME
DEAR NOT THE BFF (for clarity, LW or Letter Writer),
The world does not revolve around you. Clearly the definition of "best friend" means "only friend" to you.
If she is your best friend then you should be supporting her in broadening her social group, not acting all catty.
Not everyone can get along, and it is possible that there were people there that she might have liked that you wouldn't have.
What if you are amazingly rude and don't realize it? Or what if one of the neighbors doesn't like you, but your BFF likes them? So to avoid incident they waited until the neighbor left, then invited you over.
You sound like a whiner who I wouldn't be friends with.
As far as the leftovers (apparently you're in walking distance), maybe your friend wanted some one-on-one time with you to relax or to introduce you, but you were too far up your own ass to catch that.
Maybe you should stop being her friend because you aren't a very good one.
(I'll take a break here to mention that a few people objected to the comment about inviting people over that LW would cause incident with, writing "How would inviting the LW to pickup leftovers while the others are still there be avoiding an incident?! If one wants to avoid an incident, they simply don't include the other person at that event."
I had to explain using logic:
Say you have ten people over for a party. You want to make new friends, but you know that one of the neighbors (call them XY) doesn't like LW. You invite XY over because you like them. You wait until XY leaves and then invite LW after. Nine people still remain in your house.
And how is it insulting to be offered food? Leftovers doesn't mean there were bites taken out of it. All I know is that if I were in this situation I wouldn't get all pissy about it, I would ask if my friend had a good time. Spending all your time with one person gets stale.
"Remember that thing we both did at the same time?"
I do have a best friend, but I understand that sometimes they want to hang out with other people. It's not offensive. People are social creatures.
I say LW should get over it and get a hobby.")
Do you ONLY hang out with your BFF?
The point that the "BF" had was to meet new people, not hang around with the old friends.
If my wife wanted to throw a party but not want me there I wouldn't be upset. When the people at work like to hang with me one-on-one but not in a group I don't take offense. Know why? I have self esteem. My mood is not dependent on the people around me. I understand that the people around me have lives outside of me, just as I have a life outside of them. I also understand that some people just don't get along. Growing up I had friends who liked me but hated each other. It wasn't picking sides in a divorce to hang out with one over the other.
I was raised with Emily Posts Guide to Etiquette 9th edition, among other things (strict grandparents). For me, not being invited to something is not an insult.
Regardless, I think LW is being rude for thinking that her invitation should have been mandatory. I would have asked LW "Would you have said yes if you saw the guest list?"
This is my advice: Before you over think and make conclusions,
take BF alone and ASK her yourself. If she's your good friend like you say then I don't see why you can't. What's the worst that could happen?