Scold A Bad Mom For Jesus

Sometimes Emily Post needs to cram it.


DEAR JERKASS: I raised my children to stay with me when we were in a store. They didn't touch things displayed on the shelves because the items were not theirs and we weren't going to purchase them. We didn't have cellphones when my children grew up. However, even now I never remove mine from my purse while I'm in a store.

Is there a nice way to tell other shoppers to put their phones away and pay attention to their children while shopping, and suggest that it might not be safe for their kids to run through the aisles or roll canned goods down them? I am not sure about their children's safety, but I'm positive it isn't safe for me when their children are acting this way. -- MEME IN THE WEST

DEAR AWESOME,
No.  The most polite way to tell someone to get off their fucking phone and pay attention to their kids is to find out where their kid was conceived, travel back in time, and throw them a condom.  But that might create a paradox that would tear the very fabric of reality apart,  Might be worth it, though.We all hear the B.S. about "You shouldn't judge, what if she (insert blah blah excuse), you don't know her story" crap.  See the above meme?  I don't have to know her story.  There is nothing on the other end of that phone that should prevent her from dropping her baby.  It's a mother-fucking baby.

Seriously, I have and will continue to mock people on their cell phones whenever they are doing something stupid, and you should, too.  In line ups when the cashier is trying to ask the parent a question and the customers kids are unruly but the parent won't get off the goddamn phone, I get their attention by saying something like "Hey, everyone is judging you because you're being rude.  Put down the phone, get control of your kids, and pay attention to the person trying to help you."  Or when walking past them in the aisle I'll be really loud so the person on the other end of the call will hear me say "I just hate it when parents can't get off their phone and let their kids misbehave."
Let's face it, if there was an emergency on your phone, you wouldn't be getting that grande latte.

If I could warn the future about cell phones