Here's the tumor:
DEAR CRABBY: I have been married for 18 years to a wonderful woman who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a few years ago. We don't know how much time she has left, but she feels the cancer has robbed her of her "retirement." She is trying to persuade our family to move to Florida so she can enjoy some warm weather.
Abby, for many reasons I do not want to move. We have lived in the Midwest all our lives. My elderly parent would be all alone if we move, and I have a sibling who is also terminally ill.
I have had the same job for 25 years, and I don't want to give it up because I have the freedom to do much of my work from home, which allows me to help my wife and have income as well. If we move, there would be no guarantee that I could find a similar work situation that is so beneficial.
My wife says I'm being selfish because I'm unwilling to leave my job, family and friends to do as she wants. I understand her desire to live in a warmer climate, but I think she's the one who is being selfish. What do you think? -- WANTS TO STAY PUT
Dear Wants to Stay Put,
You say you can work mostly from home? Why can't you take a working vacation and telecommute from Florida and look for work there. Tell your wife that is the best option you can give her. Ask your work if there would be a possibility of a rehire if you needed to quit to take care of your dying wife.
This is the possible dying wish of your wife. Wives take precedent over other family, in my worldview. Your elderly mother will be fine, and you can ask neighbors to look in on her while you're away on your mini-vacay. Your sibling doesn't have stage 4 cancer, so they're not as bad off as your wife.
On the bright side, your wife could get her last wish and die in Florida, and then you could move back to the Midwest after and get your old job back and see all your old friends. Since that's what's important to you, I gather. Or, you could divorce her, she'll get half of everything and move to Florida and then if you really play your cards right, when she dies she can leave all her stuff to you.
Doesn't this all sound so skeezy and manipulative? Just move to Florida and spend some really awesome time with your wife. if your family loves you, they'll understand.
Tempis Fugit, stultus.