Other Peoples Kids
Here's another Dear Abby I thought I could do better on. I don't do these everyday, because sometimes I just don't care about the letter.
Hurm. Maybe I should do responses for those ones.....
But not today. Here you go:
DEAR CRABBY: My wife and I both served in the military. When she returned from Egypt 19 months ago, she dropped a bomb on me, saying she didn't want to be married anymore. She said she had settled for second best all her life and that's what she had done with me. She went on to say she knows there's someone better than me out there, and she's going to find him.
All the evidence points to an affair, which she denies -- constant trips out of town, emails and phone calls. We are now living paycheck to paycheck. We have no more savings and I'm paying all the expenses when it comes to the kids. She retired a year ago and refuses to get a job worthy of her experience. The worst part is, our kids have suffered.
We have been separated ever since she got back. She says our kids aren't worth her trying to save our marriage. Our close friends and family are still shocked, but no one more than me. It has been a struggle, which almost caused me to have a breakdown. Everything I do now is to lessen the impact on our kids. What advice can you offer me? -- TRYING TO COPE IN VIRGINIA
It's over. Just her saying 'the kids aren't worth it" is complete sign of that.
If you can, prove that she had an affair, and use that above statement to make sure that you have primary custody of the children (if that's what you want. She may be a cold-hearted bitch to you, but is she the better parent? Be honest).
Get a lawyer and treat this like the biggest security infraction of your life. Be amicable in the proceedings, but put nothing past her. She is not your friend anymore. Protect your children, don't speak badly about their mother, and make sure you cover your ass. This person knows a lot about you, and doesn't seem to care about anything right now. That's dangerous.
She might be suffering from some kind of PTSD, but that isn't your problem anymore. Sympathy won't get you anywhere in this.
You have strength in family and friends. They know who is getting the raw deal here (if everything you've written is true), and it's going to be the kids. You can move on, find new love, but their home is ripping apart. Use your friends to castle your side.
There is no winner in a divorce, but that doesn't mean you have to lose. The fact you have a job and she doesn't, that she isn't a SAHM, and that she might have had an affair all work in your favor.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a student in a community college. I enjoy the diversity of the students here; many are adults who are changing careers or getting the education they've always wanted.One woman in my class has a habit of bringing her toddler with her. I understand that sitters can be unreliable and child care is expensive, but this disrupts the class -- and I know it distracts the mother, as well. She often has to get up mid-lesson when her child needs to use the restroom.
I don't want to step on toes or intrude in people's personal lives, but college is no place for an unruly toddler. How can I handle this? -- STUDENT IN NEW YORK
$20 bucks says that you have a friend who could watch a toddler for an hour or two. Have you thought about approaching this woman and offering to help? Think of you on your worst day. Now add a toddler. That's probably this woman's every day.
I'm sure you can think of ways to help now. Unless you just wanted to complain about the struggles of another person. Then go complain about this woman to everyone you know and complain to the Dean, and maybe get her kicked out of school. That will show her for trying to get an education while you're around. Silly people, trying to get an education and maybe a better job while you have incredible freedoms and little responsibility.
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Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.