DEAR JERKASS: I have been seeing my boyfriend for five months. He still has some of his ex-girlfriend's lingerie in his dresser. When we first got involved, he showed it to me and asked if I wanted any. I said no thanks.
Now that I'm more invested in the relationship, I'd like him to get rid of it. He is currently out of town, traveling for a month. Would it be inappropriate for me to throw away these "trinkets" without consulting him? -- SETTING BOUNDARIES IN ARIZONA
It is completely innapropriate for this guy to keep trinkets from past lovers where you can see them. From his perspective, he might be thinking that he's being honest in having past relationships, but he's not thinking about how if you break up your dirty laundry will literally be out for show.
And that's what is happening here. It's good to know a little something of a persons sexual history so that you don't get herpasyphalitaghonorheaids.
On the other side of it, it is not okay for you to throw those bloomers out, regardless of your feelings for them. I've said before, and I will say ad naseum: communicate. Talk to each other. Tell him exactly how the pantaloons make you feel and ask him to at least get them out of the bedroom or into storage.
Getting rid of the items won't get rid of any thoughts he may have, though. And if he's leaving things like that around for you to find, it might be a set of false breadcrumbs making you think it's leading to an honest relationship, when really he's hiding a giant porn stash with stuff the Marquis De Sade would blush at.
In conclusion: talk to him about it. You'll know exactly how you feel about him after. You should be getting a slightly creepy vibe if he gets really angry. Also, don't write to advice columnists.