Dear Abby can be read here. But that's not who you really want....
DEAR ABBY: A tall, attractive man came into the insurance office where I work to buy an auto insurance policy. I haven't talked with men outside of my church in a long time, so I was nervous. I thought my heart would explode from beating so fast.
He will be coming back in a couple of weeks, and I'm afraid if I don't ask him out, I will regret it. I don't know how to approach him or ask a guy out at all. Help! -- NERVOUS OUT WEST
This is completely inappropriate: go through his file. You work in insurance, it will list if he's single, where he lives, etc. This is okay, because you are a woman. If you were a man, this would be stalking and you would go to jail.
Real advice: This is the modern age. Women can ask out men. When he comes in, simply ask him "What's a good restaurant to go to?"
If he answers "My wife loves..." you have your answer. If he goes on to give you anything else, reply with "Maybe you could show me what's good on the menu?"
If he's anything like me he won't pick up on the fact you want him to ask you out. You may have to go caveman and get more blunt with something like "Well, you have nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"
There you go. Practice safe sex.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.