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BAD ADVICE

GET IT WHILE IT'S STEAMING

Love and Hate Share the Same Area of the Brain

5/9/2014

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Dear Abby, y u no tell teens to get over it?

DEAR CRABBY: I'm 16 and I need help. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend, "Bailey," for six months and things are complicated. She's very insecure, and it's hard to keep her happy for any extended period of time.

I have thought about breaking up with her because I want her to be happy, and the same goes for me. But then I think I'd rather be miserable at times and happy at others and be with her, than end it and possibly feel worse.

Please give me some advice. I love Bailey and I don't know what to do. -- LOST IN ARIZONA

Dear Lost,
Are you fucking kidding me.  You couldn't Google this crap, or talk to your parents or a councilor?
Okay, you're 16.  I'll let you off for that, since right now your brain is not wired to make truly logical decisions (it's true, that's not even my opinion.  Look it up).
Dump her.  Do it nicely, yeah.  Add in all those things about how you're young, whole lives ahead of you, not the end of the world, she'll meet someone nice, yadda yadda yadda. 
Point is, in seven years you are going to physically and mentally be a completely different person, with different hopes and ideas.  And the best way to define who you are is by solitary refinement.
Sadness and loneliness are viewed as negative things, but you should view them as growing pains.  Comparatively you should view comfort as something suspect right now, because comfort will keep you where you are. 
To be cliche, the hand you are holding is holding you down.
Besides, you don't need a woman in your life right now.  You need to pay attention to your personal life goals and what you want out of life.
Now quit reading Dear Abby letters and go live your life.  Just keep it in your pants until you think you're strong enough to take care of a baby

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    Judas' Advice Column

    This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice.  I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.
    I often take the stance against the letter writer since usually they are complaining about someone who can't defend themselves.

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  • The Mind Cannibalism
  • Thought For Food
  • Who is Judas X. Machina?
  • Mental Sewage
  • Experimental
  • The basics of Finding Fault
    • Failed Daily
  • Dear Jerkass