DEAR JERKASS: I have been working hard to advance in my health care career so I can give my family a decent life. I have worked my way up from poverty, paying my own way, earning my degree through the military and sheer determination.
I have reached a point where I would like to enjoy life a little more, but my husband thinks I am being "materialistic." We fight often over my wardrobe spending.
I believe the clothes I wear, mostly nice skirt suits and heels, are part of my job and image. I believe it has helped me to get ahead. I don't buy overly expensive items, but they aren't cheap. I wear the things I buy for years and have a $200-a-month budget for what I may need, even though I don't always spend it.
I think I have earned the right to shop a little, which will ultimately lead to bigger and better things for my family, so why does my husband make me feel so guilty? -- CLOTHES MAKE THE WOMAN
How cliche. You want to justify your spending on clothes.
You made the comment that you keep clothes for years. I'm going to guess that means there are outfits you've never worn taking up space in a closet. You didn't mention shoes. Or purses. Or other accessories that men would throw into the clothes category that you could say are not part of your clothing budget.
Ugh. Do you split finances, or pool your money? If you split the bills then do whatever you want with your money. Might as well have a roommate.
If you pool the money in a "it's OUR money, not MY money" mentality, then yeah, he has something of a say.
Go through your closet and pull out anything that you haven't worn for six months. Consign it or donate it. If you get some cash for it, buy him a gift and let him know what you did. Then fucking TALK to each other instead of trying to get a third party on your side! In a marriage it's not "who's right" or an "I win" fucking relationship. When things are going wrong, it's everyones goddamn fault (in an actual committed honest relationship. I don't want bullshit letters about "what if he beats her, is that her fault?" letters. Clearly it isn't, don't be stupid. Plus, women hit men, too, so don't be sexist.)