Dear Abby be trollin'.
DEAR JERKASS: May I sit in your chair and give some advice today? It's aimed at men who place ads on dating sites and then wonder why they can't meet "quality" women.
I'm an educated, decent-looking, middle-aged widow who has dated quite a lot through such ads and local social groups. Yes, it can be a jungle out there, but the Internet is a wonderful tool for bringing people together.
I live in a small town, and the pool of eligible men is smaller here than in metropolitan areas. That said, there are few profiles that attract my attention and that of my divorced/widowed friends.
Gentlemen, some pointers:
1. Smile! A dour expression is unpleasant.
2. We may want to see you with your shirt off after we get to know you, but it's not the most appealing or refined pose for a first look.
3. Be realistic. If you are Joe Average, we Jane Averages would enjoy meeting you. Are you REALLY going to hold out for a model who is a decade or so younger than you?
4. Be kind to the English language. You don't have to be a genius, but it would be nice to know you can competently communicate in writing.
5. Consider a shave. Some women like men with facial hair; the majority of the ones I know do not. About 75 percent of men over 50 have a mustache, beard or both. What are you hiding under there?
6. If you're married and miserable, for goodness sake, go for marriage counseling or get a divorce. But please don't deceive women who want to meet a nice guy to share life with.
In case you think I'm being too harsh, we gals welcome any suggestions from men who scroll through those female profiles looking for love. -- SURFING IN PETERSBURG, ILL.
What unmitigated bullshit. I met my wife online, and the only reason she contacted me was she thought I was hot (she wears glasses, so she can be forgiven).
Before I got that date with my future wife I had three women respond to my emails. Those were disasters. My wife's email was one of four I had received in two years (one told me that I was ugly and should get off...pretty sure it was my ex).
I've also made fake female accounts (long story short it was shits and giggles), and let me tell you, the nicest guy in the world is not going to make it past the emails a woman gets. You would not believe the crap. One guy told me he could "smell my crotch through the monitor."
I got WAAAAY more responses from women when I used a hot guy pic (Jake) and was mean to them.
I even used the female account to find out about the fake guy account. Women I had never met were telling "Nadia" that they knew "Jake" and he was a real jerk and should stay away.
Those women would then make plans with "Jake". And Jake would never show up....
Surfing, all you've shown is that women with lists should be avoided. We all know the list people. They get asked "what are you looking for in a partner?" and they come out with a laundry list of deal breakers. You've given us a list of things you want, and implied that they won't get your attention otherwise. And men, being ruled by their smaller heads, will follow that list, and not be themselves.
Warning guys: women do not like suggestions about their profiles. Why would they? "Hey, I won't date you, but here's some suggestions regarding how your profile is wrong..."
Yeah. That'll go over real well.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.