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BAD ADVICE

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Getting It Regularly

5/16/2014

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Without further ado, two steaming piles of B.S.
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Man Puts Sex On A Strict Schedule
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend will have "scheduled" sex with me -- only after he has had his shower in the evening or in the morning. Every once in a while I get lucky and am able to stop by after work and have a quickie. It's driving me crazy.

I have tried many ways to get him to have sex spontaneously, but he won't budge. It's starting to be a turn-off because it's not the "right time." What do I do? -- LOOSER THAN THAT IN DETROIT

From Abby

DEAR LOOSER: Your boyfriend may have a touch of OCD, or need to feel "in control" when he has sex. In other words, if the encounter is not his idea and at the time he chooses, he doesn't get turned on.

There's help for him if he's willing to admit there "may" be a problem. But if he isn't, then find yourself another fella because nothing is likely to change.

From Crabby

Dear Looser,
You are getting sex on a regular basis from a man who likes to be clean (you know, NOT having smegma* on his dick).  And this is a problem?
Holy fuck.  Okay.  If getting sex on a regualr basis is a problem for you, you could try to spice things up for when he's done his shower.  There are toys, costumes, oils, etc.  Or get in the shower.
I know this will go against pop-culture, but sex is not the end-all-be-all of human existence.  There used to be this thing called love, and it didn't involve mashing sexual organs.  An expression that went with it was "Love covers a multitude of sins".  Well, dumbass, his scheduled fuck times are not a sin.  They are part of his personality.  He isn't asking you to change, just to respect his boundaries.  And that's what this is.  He has a boudary and you don't like it because it prevents you from getting your rocks off whenever YOU want it.
Maybe you should dump him, so that he can find someone more caring than a woman who just views him as, apparently, a fuck buddy.
Do you think the sex is really what's going to keep you together through the years?  Great sex is great.  it doesn't stop arguments over the bills.  Great sex doesn't lead to him remembering every detail about you, remembering your favorite color, or respecting you.
(Ech.  Here we get to things I don't like, but some guys do)
Treat this the way a guy would ask butt sex from you; it might not be something you like, it might make you uncomfortable.  What if you don't even like the thought of it, and he kept pestering you about it?  You might need to be worked up to that, but in the end (snicker), no means no.
He shouldn't HAVE to change for you any more than you should HAVE to change for him.  Do  you want a long term relationship, or do you just want to get laid at your convenience?

*Smegma is the medical term for dick cheese.
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    Judas' Advice Column

    This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice.  I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.
    I often take the stance against the letter writer since usually they are complaining about someone who can't defend themselves.

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  • The Mind Cannibalism
  • Thought For Food
  • Who is Judas X. Machina?
  • Mental Sewage
  • Experimental
  • The basics of Finding Fault
    • Failed Daily
  • Dear Jerkass