DEAR JERKASS: Once a year I invite my mother, who lives in Arizona, to visit me in California. This year, Mom has decided to bring one of my sisters along because "she really needs a vacation."
My sisters live in the same city as Mom and can visit her anytime they please. I see Mom once a year at most, and I do not want to share my limited time with her. How do I let my sisters know they're not welcome without causing a family rift? -- WANTS QUALITY TIME WITH MOM
Tell your sister you don't have the room for her, or that if she really needs a vacation, she won't get one from you because (insert country music lyrics here) and how horrible it all is.
Or visit your mom instead. Or kill yourself, it's all the same to me.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.