Consensus sides with Abby.
All I see are tangled webs. I quote the ineffable Cameron Frye: "Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it."
My niece confided in me that she and her fiance eloped. Her parents are planning her wedding for next month. I tried to advise her to tell her parents, but she still hasn't. She's living at home and her "fiance" lives in a different city. I don't pretend to understand why they felt like doing this. Should I just sit back while she continues to lie to her parents while they plan on her getting "married" in a month? I'm at a loss.
I wanted to give her a chance to come clean, but because she hasn't, do I intervene? Do I threaten that if she doesn't fess up, I'll spill the beans? Or should I just let her keep heading down the road she's on? -- ANXIOUS AUNT
Yeah, she's a lying liar. She didn't confide in you, she made you an accessory to the fact.
I would say keep it to yourself unless someone asks directly. If her parents come to you and say "Hey, did she already get married?" You can answer.
There might be mitigating circumstances as to why they eloped; insurance coverage, she's pregnant, they just wanted the pressure off so they could enjoy the "big" day. Those would all be legitimate reasons to hold off telling, and wait for the appropriate time.
It feels like there's lying on all sides for this one. What are her parents like that she needs to hide the marriage?
I would put the ball back into your nieces court: Tell her that you need a legitimate reason why she should keep this secret. If it's some bullshit answer, then I would haul everyone together and tell. Put your niece and and (sister, brother?) all into one room and get it out. What's the worst that could happen, really? Your niece stops talking to you? That's her fault for lying in the first place.
Then again I come from a family that lies and cons each other all the time, so I'm sick of that shit. You can all go fuck yourselves on this one.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.