DEAR JERKASS: I'm confused and not sure what to do. I'm a 32-year-old single mom who is a hopeless romantic. I've been seeing someone for six months. He is already talking about marriage and a happily ever after, which I am ready for.The downside is, not long after we started dating, I met someone who makes me question everything. He's someone I can't actually be with because -- yes, he's married. I'm disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen, but the minute our eyes met, my heart skipped a beat.
What I'm asking is, do I settle for the guy I've been dating because that's what I'm ready for? He's a great guy who cares a lot about my daughter and me. I can be a faithful and loving wife, which he wants. Or should I let him go because my heart truly isn't there? Please help me, even though I don't deserve it. -- SETTLING DOUBTS DEAR SERIAL MONOGAMIST :
First off, being a hopeless romantic is not a good thing. It means you succumb to every crush as though it is a torrid emotional "forever", when really it's your excuse to go from relationship to relationship without ever actually committing to the long term. You even prove this point with the whole "six months later I'm into a married guy". Want to know why your heart skipped a beat? You like commitment...in others, and this was a challenge. Alss, that "hapless romantic" often mistakes lust at first sight with love. If you really loved this married guy, you'd love him so much you would want him to be happy....and not wreck his marriage due to your own insecurities about commitment. And really, if you ended up cheating with this married guy...do you really want to be with someone who cheats on their wife? Loyalty and truth aren't going to be high on this guys "good attributes" list. And, you'll probably move on after six months. Earning you the apt title of "homewrecker". And to Mr. Married I'd say "If you don't love your wife, don't be with her. Don't stay with her because you can't find someone better". Look, if you don't want to be with the guy you're with now...do the honest and logical thing and and free him from your lies. You won't be a faithful and loving wife if you're always falling in love with rando's. And as to your daughter? Maybe keep the men you date out of sight. You looking for a husband or a daddy? Plus you don't want to teach her how useless you view marriage if you're going to be cheating with married men.
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun. I often take the stance against the letter writer since usually they are complaining about someone who can't defend themselves.