DEAR JERKASS: My life is boring, repetitive and I am often depressed. I have trouble talking to others, which makes things harder. Every day is the same: Get up, go to a long day of school, come home, do homework, play video games, draw, go to bed.
The weekends aren't much better. My family never does anything, we never go anywhere. I don't have friends (the one I'd consider hanging out with is always busy), and at 15, I can't drive anywhere, get a job or do anything on my own for another year. I have never kissed, dated or even had a crush on anyone (I'm not sure why, it's not like I'm gay or too embarrassed), so I haven't got much to talk about with my peers anyway.
I'm alone. I'm not popular, I'm a complete nerd and I'm afraid to tell others what I enjoy. If I tell anyone I like video games and Dungeons and Dragons, I know I'll be mocked for the next few years of my life.
I'm pretty smart and I do well in school, but I'm not good at much else. My social skills are borderline nonexistent. My entire life is school. I just want some attention, some friends, something to do with my life. I need help, some advice, something, anything! -- BORING LIFE IN WISCONSIN
DEAR AVERAGE TEENAGER THAT’S NOTHING SPECIAL:
Video games and D&D are cool, now. No one is more preoccupied with YOUR sex life than you. Most people are unpopular. You are not special or a unique snowflake.
Most places you can get a job at 14 with a parents permission, so unless you just can’t be bothered, you could go out and get a job. Hell, a fucking paper route has no age restriction.
Weekends are dull? Get up, put on your shoes, go outside and walk around for a while. If you pass someone, say “hi” to them. You know, like a human would.
If you’re so smart, go read a book called “How To Make Friends and Influence People”. Go watch a bunch of youtube videos about it. Look, I took four seconds to find a video and it’s pretty good. Here’s the link, you lazy, boring, damp cloth. https://youtu.be/4rB33qkDeFg
Things aren’t going to change just because it’s your birthday, you have a new job, blah blah blah. You want your life to stop being boring? Then stop being boring, yourself.
What a whiner.
“Wahahhahhhh, my parents don’t take me places to do things and I play video games. Boo hoo.”
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.