DEAR JERKASS: My father offered one of my root beers to a guest of my aunt's. Was he right?
Or should he not have offered my stuff since I had nothing to do with the guest? Please help me with this so I can stop being angry when he does this.
DEAR BASEMENT DWELLER:
First off I’d like to know some things, but since I can’t I’ll just assume that the defendant has no representation in this.
It’s real simple, numbnuts: Did your father go to a job and work, and then have the reward of his employment used to buy your precious root beer? If that is the case, then you can take your spoiled fucking attitude and understand that it was never really yours in the first place. You were allowed to have it, but you in no way earned it and unless it was specifically designated as a gift to you, you have virtually no argument.
You can get pissy and have a temper tantrum, and bitch to all your online friends of living with the patriarchy and how this is final proof that Trump is destroying America, but that does not entitle you to a gorram root beer.
Further, your father made the offer…and since you didn’t specify that the offer was taken up by the aunt’s friend, you can be assured that no one really wanted your crappy root beer.
Now, if you actually earned the money to buy your sarsaparilla, and you’re all crampy because a family member had a friend you didn’t like over to your fathers house, you always have the option of moving out or even buying your own mini-fridge for your room so that no one can ever take the bottle of diabetes from you again.
Or you could put on your grown up underwear, scrape the Cheetos off your face, go out into the living room or wherever the guests are, introduce yourself and say something completely polite and self-asserting like “Hello, my name is_____. That’s my root beer and I don’t like to share, but I can offer you something else you may like.”
You know, like a socially active, involved human being.
Or you can ask an advice columnist on how to avoid growing a spine…
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.