DEAR JERKASS: Recently, while making a purchase at a local store and handing the cashier my money, she asked, "How many months along are you?" I was confused for a moment, until I realized she had assumed I was pregnant. (I'm not.) When I told her I wasn't, she just shrugged and said, "Oh."
Jerkass, my feelings were hurt. I will most likely never see that cashier again -- and I do not know her -- but I would like to know how to respond to this in the future. I don't believe people should assume a woman is pregnant unless they know for sure that she is. What she said made me instantly want to lash out. However, I knew that responding with more rudeness would do no good. So, what should I say if this ever happens again? -- NOT PREGNANT IN ALABAMA
DEAR HAVING A FOOD BABY
If you don’t want people commenting on you being pregnant then do things to reduce that. Fact is, for whatever reason, people get excited about human spawning. And with this liberal “anti-body shaming” movement out there, it still doesn’t change the fact that you should probably put down the fork and jog your ass around the block a few times.
I know, I know. We all want to live in a magical fantasy land where no one ever says anything that could possibly offend us, especially when it’s true.
I prefer to live in a world where sticks and stones can break our bones, but words can never hurt us. Because they are words.
Truth isn’t always nice. How about instead of chowing down on that candy bar to suppress your emotions, you strip away your pride and ego and just accept that you are fat.
Is that so difficult?
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.