DEAR JERKASS: I'm a 15-year-old boy. I'm happy with my life, except for one thing. My mom believes in God, and Dad doesn't. I believe in God, but I don't support my mom's religion. My friends and neighbors think I'm in that religion, but I don't believe in their beliefs. It's really uncomfortable when people ask why I haven't been in church.
Mom signs me up for church activities, and I don't like going. I feel awkward when I try to talk to my parents about it. I'm not close to them, and I don't know what to do. I have been feeling stressed out lately. I don't want to hurt my mother's feelings. Can you help me? -- TEEN IN OGDEN, UTAH
DEAR APRON STRINGED: “Boo hoo! My mommy takes me to church and it hurts my widdle feewings, what do I do?””
How about grow a pair? What if you went to all the functions she signs you up to and try to convert the people there? Don’t flat out argue with them, just bring religious pamphlets of whatever you believe to their gatherings. Eventually they’ll figure out you don’t share their beliefs and either ask you to leave or join you. It’s really that simple. It’s called being subversive.
Now, getting to the whole “I believe but my Dad doesn’t” crap…why bring it up if he isn’t the one dragging you around? And what is your mom that you don’t support her religion? Is she Westboro Baptist or something? She could be a lot worse off. Quite whining. I got dragged to church, too. I also volunteered at churches I didn’t care for because I accepted that people are different and that if you did believe in God you could show him you cared in your own way, and sometimes you just have to suck it up and get things done.
You also have to accept that you could be flat out wrong. Did you ever think about that? No. Because you’re too concerned with how uncomfortable your own beliefs make you feel around others.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.