Here's where I got the letter.
DEAR JERKASS: I am being divorced and my oldest son is being married. My soon-to-be-ex-wife does not want my girlfriend to attend. This has put a great deal of pressure on my son and his fiancee.
I left my wife for this woman. I love her and would like her to attend with me. What is proper? -- DANNY IN DELAWARE
DEAR CREE SLANG FOR VAGINA,
Yeah, bringing the new chick you cheated on your wife with to your sons big day is a real fucking classy move.
This is really a moral quandary for you? I guess it would be, since you didn't have the balls to just divorce your wife and respectfully wait for the paperwork to be filed. No, you used her as a stepping stone for someone else.
I don't know how many different ways I can tell you that you are being a selfish prick...
What kind of example is this to your son? "Hey, you're getting married. Let me show you what I think of marriage by bringing the person I left your mother for to your big day. Mind if I shit in this punch bowl?"
Why don't you get your son a lottery ticket as a gift as well?
I have this feeling that you have been misdiagnosed and are actually brain damaged, so I'll put it simply:
TAKING THE CHICK YOU ARE FUCKING TO YOUR SONS WEDDING IS BAD, AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD!
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.