Cut The Baby In Half
Original is here: HEY!
DEAR JERKASS: I accepted a request from my brother to watch his cats while he was across the country for a few months. During that time, one of them matured and started marking his territory all over my house. The dilemma was quickly taken care of with a trip to the vet, after permission from my brother.
My brother now insists that because I accepted responsibility for the cats "in every way" in his absence that I shouldn't expect reimbursement for the professional carpet cleaner I rented or the vet bill I paid for neutering the cat.
Am I out of line to expect to be paid back? We have agreed to abide by your response. -- CHRISTINA IN MARYLAND
ARE YOU SERIOUS? Fucker leaves his pets with you and sticks you with the bill! If you're stupid enough to watch his pets again the next time, charge him for it.
Since you are fully responsible for the cats (according to your brother), take them to the shelter and have them put down. That should shut him up.
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Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.