Can't Sleep, Clown'll Eat Me

DEAR JERKASS: My husband and I are happily married, but have one serious problem. Our sleeping habits are incompatible. I am an extremely light sleeper; he is a horrendous snorer. He sees a snoring specialist and tried several medical treatments, none of which worked. The only solution is a minor surgical procedure. He doesn't want to have the surgery. He insists he "sleeps fine," and says I'm the one with the problem. I have tried earplugs, white noise machines, sleep medications and more, but I cannot get a decent sleep with the obnoxious snoring. He stays up much later than I do, and I enjoy sleeping in our master bedroom until he comes to bed. I usually get driven out of the room by the noise. We agree we don't want to sleep in separate rooms and lose the intimacy, but it's the only option for me to sleep well. Neither of us wants to give up the master bedroom because it's the only one with an attached bathroom. Am I wrong for asking him to have surgery so we can share a bed? And if he won't, who should get the master bedroom? -- SLEEPLESS IN LOUISIANA


DEAR APNI-AIN'T MAH FAULT:This is you: "Gee, I want my husband to go under the knife even though he might be scared of it because I don't want to give up the master bathroom".
What intimacy are you having if you're asleep when he comes to bed?  It sounds like bullshit since one of you is always awake.
And it seems really dumb that the main reason you're staying in the same room is because you don't want to walk a few extra steps to take a piss at night.
Since you both seem to be on different sleep cycles and don't want to lose "intimacy", why not cuddle for a bit before you go to sleep.  Then he can get up, watch whatever shows he wanted, and then head off to the other room to sleep, or even vice versa.  You're already asleep by the time he gets to bed.  I bet you won't even miss him.
​Or, you know.  Guilt trip him into doing something he might be scared of doing so you can keep the master bathroom.