Here's Dear Abby's article.
And here's my unsolicited advice:
DEAR CRABBY: I'm a young professional female with a military background. I'm well-educated and have a great job. However, I am also tattooed. The design is a tasteful full sleeve, with some work on my chest and other arm.
I will be attending a black tie affair for my boyfriend's company and am wondering what attire would be appropriate for such an event. I'm not ashamed of my art, and I have no issue with baring my arms, but would this be acceptable in this circumstance? -- FOREVER COVERED
Ask to call your husbands co-workers wives and see what they are wearing. Don't mention tattoos, just ask if it's really formal and ask probing questions about scandalous couples. Basically, find out who your enemies are. Facebook them, look to see if any of them have tattoos, etc. Or say "Fuck 'em" and just have a good time.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.