Here's the source material. You know, if you want, I could respond to actual letters...
DEAR JERKASS: I have been married to my husband, "Henry," for 25 years, and he refuses to call me by name. He doesn't call me anything -- certainly no terms of endearment. He just calls out or starts talking. He addresses our daughter's relatives, our neighbors and even our dog by name -- but refuses to say mine.
I have mentioned to Henry many times how deeply hurt and resentful it makes me feel. He admits it's a problem, but refuses to get help because "he doesn't believe in counseling."
I know things could be worse. I'm not abused physically, but I feel mentally abused. I find it hard living as a nobody. Can you give me an insight on how to cope with this? -- NAMELESS IN SOUTH NEW JERSEY
DEAR..uhhh what was your name, again?
Yeha, being married to a guy that either can't say your name (or can't remember it) is so worth it. How have you enjoyed being a cook, maid, and prostitute for the last 25 years?
Sorry, that last one was a bit much. Whores charge money. You were more of a sex slave.
I'd give you advice, but it seems like you don't have any will power or self respect. Just roll over and die.
Judas' Advice Column
This is where I take a Dear Abby column, and add my own brand of advice. I started by calling it Dear Crabby, but that's taken and JERKASS seems more fun.