DEAR JERKASS: "Barney" and I are in our 40s and have been married two years. Barney is a neatnik. His nighttime ritual of cleaning up before bed takes an hour or more. Before we can be intimate, this ritual must be performed, which rules out anything in the afternoon or that's spontaneous.
Barney is also a night owl. Sometimes he goes straight from the shower to the Internet or reading, ignoring sex altogether, even if we planned and talked about it while getting ready to clean up for the night.
I have fallen asleep many nights waiting for him, only to awaken hours later and see he's still not beside me. When we discuss it later, he says it's a selfish habit he "got away with" in his last marriage. He enjoys sex but becomes easily distracted.
Should we seek counseling for this or try something else? Barney displays all the signs of ADD and has since his childhood days. -- FRUSTRATED IN CLINTON, IOWA
DEAR TOOL USER,
You could probably pick up after yourself and then he wouldn't have to clean up.
You are both adults and you don't have to do everything together. That said, you could enjoy the technology of small motors. Do it while he's awake, I'm sure he'll take it as an affront to his manliness that his woman has resorted to emotionless robots for pleasure, or he'll be turned on. Either way you'll get some action.
Those two examples don't constitute OCD or ADD (or it's hyper-active cousin ADHD)
Unless you have had him actually tested, you are merely speculating and making excuses for a deeper problem.
That problem being you are both idiots.